When I started blogging last month I felt with utter certainty that I had found my calling. Surfing the Internet, commenting on goings-on, tossing arbitrary photographs of vaguely related items on the blog--it all seemed like a dream come true. But like all things, it swiftly became more of a challenge than i expected. I am an American, thus I am perpetually anguishing about how busy I am, regardless of whether or not my time is actually occupied. I'm in the place where the anxiety caused by how busy i was and how busy i will eventually be has left me in a state of reality TV paralysis.
I spend a ridiculous amount of time to be in grad school to obtain a degree that wont mean anything on my resume. Don't take that to mean that I don't think the degree is worth anything--I don't mean that at all. To further explain: when you graduate with a college degree, for the most part, it doesn't matter if you spent four years sitting down by the Fox river smoking bowls with kids who exist only by nicknames like "B-Tags" or "Jugs". It doesn't really matter if you held down two jobs, joined all the honor societies and graduated Cum Laude. It just doesn't matter because B.A. Computer Science or B.A. Journalism or whatever on your resume is all that really matters.
This is true with graduate school. Having a Master's degree on your resume makes a difference, whether you really learned anything does not. Unfortunately, this is not true in programs like Writing. Obtaining a MA in Writing will most likely not help me get a better job BUT becoming a better writer will. In order to become a better writer I have to actually work on my writing. draft and redraft. walk away from a piece and come back to see it with a new perspective. workshop it with other writers. grow.
Because I am an American, and a grad student, and slightly anxious and obsessive, this time does not exist for me. Perhaps it does, in between rented movies or sleeping late on Saturdays. Maybe there is time somewhere...but I'm having a hard time finding it and thus, I've become kind of a crappy blogger...and in general a crappy writer. I'm working out a plan of action. I'll let you know how it goes.