Staying Vs. Living

“Are you living back home, now?”

“No, I’m just staying there for the moment.”

I can not stop myself from distinguishing between “staying” and “living” in casual conversation. The words project from my mouth defensively erasing all confusion about my situation. Until some inquisitive fool asks the ultimate question, “Oh, how long are you staying?”

Damn it, friends and family, I have no idea.

I have no idea how long the job hunt will go on, how long it will be until I can get my ass in gear and get my own place. Is there a possibility I could be here for 6 months? Absolutely. Would I ever, I that time, unpack my suitcases and say that I’m “living” at my mother’s house? Not a chance.

The problem here is not a matter of embarrassment to live at home, nor do I have something against the suburbs in general or specifically the Golf Center of the World (as my hometown’s water towers proudly proclaim. Really.). Its not any of that. It is simply a matter of taking steps backwards. Of working hard to craft a life independent, a life without owing money or favors, a life in which you can do and be anything you choose – and then having to give it all back.

People “live” at home while they go to grad school, save for a condo, after a layoff, or divorce, because their perfect job doesn't provide enough support financially to make the move – because one part of their plan involves saving money for their next step. People also “live” at home because they have no interest in leaving, because they don’t have the experience or education to get a job that would afford them rent money, or because they are afraid. I don’t fit into either of these categories – I’m not an intelligent person who is utilizing the availability of a rent-free home space to get ahead. But I’m also not an almost-thirty who isn’t able/doesn’t want to have a life outside of the childhood home. I’m a person who quit her job in the midst of recession and now has to pay some pound-of-flesh price.

I am incredibly thankful of my mother’s generosity. I’m not just crashing in my own bedroom, and have full use of her car, but I also have a meal plan. I think she feels bad for me a little, knowing how happy it has always made me to pay for things on my own, to live in other cities, to know that no one is worrying about me screwing up. And, to be honest, the whole situation is my fault. I chose this path of unemployment and homelessness, but I guess I never imagined I would feel so helpless.

I can’t get over myself enough to “live” at my mom’s house for a while. I’ll just be “staying” here for the time being, an independent girl independently deciding to hang out at home for a spell.

Sun Bright November Days

Today, the sun is shining in a way that recalls the first day of Spring, rather than the last day of Fall. On a day like today, the ultra green grass and SUV dotted driveways of the highly populated township retain a sort of appeal that I don't often attribute to the suburbs. Its open quietness is sort of pleasing and affects a part of me that I have long assumed dead. I guess an appreciation of slow and quiet was just dormant beneath my everlasting and unquenchable love for the "hustle and bustle" of city life.

Jogging outside - in this weather, in the suburbs - is different, too. With a Cubs cap pulled down over my eyes I can run, without turning, for more than 2 miles. I cross a few quiet streets and wait at one or two red lights, but it is nothing like the constant stopandgorightturnleftturn of city running. Out here, you can envision yourself on a rubber-soft track. You can maybe run forever. Your legs feel strong and heart stronger. In the bright sunlight of Chicago's early November, the race is just beginning.

Same Blogger, New Game

Like Michael Jordan or Brett Favre, every time you think I'm gone I reboot (maybe with a different jersey). Yes, the nervous blogger is back again and this time more nervous than ever. In fact, more nervous in an entirely new way: I'm not only out of school, but I am also out of work and out of DC. Im back in Chicago seeking out a new path in life and, recently inspired by a friend who is starting a cooking blog, I've decided to get back on the blogger bandwagon.

I'm working on some writing pieces right now, and I think I'm going to use this blog as a place to air some ideas and to talk a little bit about life unemployed and in a weird life transition. Transitions have always made me nervous, but I always like to think about the "positive" side of wiping clear the slate. I need to remind myself that I can be whoever I want to be, even though a truly clean slate is something that we maybe can never really actualize, because our past (in one form or the other) will always follow us. We can change our careers, our hair style and even our names, but we end up with years of experience that color our opinions/decisions/actions. I wrote an article sort of about this recently for TNG, a lovely site you should visit where I am a weekly columnist -- about starting over in your home town.

I believe that you are created by your experiences, and are thus a constantly evolving being, but I also recognize in the simple world where we meet each other with our eyes and shared conversation, your new you will not always be visible. It's hard to tell an new friend about all the events that sculpted you without becoming a blathering idiot and probably still not getting your point across. It takes months and years for someone to start to know you - and when you move to a new place, try to start a new life, you best be ready to go through that trial.

So that's where I am. Back in Chicagoland, unemployed, single and still trying to learn to play the guitar. However, I'm always nervous, so while somethings have changed, others forever remain the same.

Who wants to learn this with me?

The guitar chords and lyrics for House of the Rising Sun:

Am C D F
There is a house in New Orleans

Am C E
They call the Rising Sun

Am C D F
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

Am E Am C D F Am E Am E
And God I know I'm one


Am C D F
My mother was a tailor

Am C E
She sewed my new blue jeans

Am C D F
My father was a gamblin' man

Am E Am C D F Am E Am E
Down in New Orleans

My New Favorite Band. Seriously.

Please check out Natalie Portman's Shaved Head.





These songs go with my Wayfarers and commute-ipod-swagger, and ALSO Brookes-Nike-Jogger-bobbing.

Love it.

Check out the rest of the music on youtube or myspace.

Re-Cykle Water Bottles

I do my best to avoid buying plastic - water bottles, excessive plastic packaging, etc. - but it seems almost impossible. I also try to recycle and reuse all the plastic I do buy, but again, there's just not always a way to do that. Plastic is the biggest threat the environment has.

Some statistics on plastic waste from the EPA:

• In 2006, the United States generated 14 million tons of plastic through containers and packaging.

• The amount of plastic consumed as a percentage of total waste has increased from less than 1 percent in 1960 to 11.7 percent in 2006.

Soda Stats:

• Americans drank approximately 14.7 billion cases of non-alcoholic beverages in 2004 (this includes both plastic and aluminum containers; note that aluminum cans are lined with plastic).

• Of that total, approximately 10.3 billion cases were carbonated soft drinks.

More Statistics:

• Americans threw more than 22 billion water bottles in the trash in 2006.

• 70 million bottles of water are consumed in the U.S. each day.

• In 2006, only 7% of plastic waste produced in the U.S. was recycled.

Its just horrifying, isn't it?

I love hearing about breakthroughs in ridding the earth of waste and this is a great example:

An 18 year old high school student created a prototype of a water bottle that is 70% cardboard and only 30% plastic (which is needed to keep the water in). He calls his bottle "Cykle" and is looking for investors! Read more here.

Visit the Cykle website to read more and donate to the project.

Adopt a Pet in the Recession!

A lot of us are hurting in these tough economic times, but the little spoken-about victims are really family pets that are forced out when folks can't afford to feed themselves AND Fluffy or Princess. There are plenty of places out there that are accepting these Recession Pets, but those places are running out of room.

For instance, down in Florida, the 10th Life Sanctuary is caring for 600 cats. They have a no-kill policy (which means they don't euthanize animals when they are not adopted) but they are running out of space and funding.

If you are currently financially secure enough to have a pet, perhaps adopting a loving animal who has lost its home due to financial hardship is an option for you. If you can't adopt a pet at this time, maybe you can make a donation to the 10th Life Sanctuary, or another No-Kill shelter to help these animals have a good life their families were unable to afford.

Photo Credit: Lara Koch Photography